25 Ways to Annoy Gwaine and get yourself hurt
by bluespiritgal
Summary: Title pretty much says it all. Rated T just because I'm paranoid and I think I used the word arse once. Friendship/humor only. Spoiler warning for Season 2,3,4 episodes.


**25 Ways to Annoy Gwaine (and get yourself hurt in the process)**

(Drabble makes some assumptions about how much Gwaine really knows, but tries to stay in character to the series.)

**WARNING*******Contains spoilers for season 2, 3 & 4 episodes**)

Usual disclaimers. Don't own Merlin, wish I did. Written for pure fun and annoyance of Gwaine. Enjoy!

1. Pick on Merlin (especially if you are impostors posing as stuck up Nobles)

2. Take away "Happy Hour" at the local Tavern.

3. Pick on Merlin (especially if you really _are_ a Noble and think that's enough of a reason to pick on Merlin.)

4. Tell Gwaine the new dress code policy for all knights is to get his hair cut short so he can look like the _Royal Arse_.

5. Pick on Merlin (especially when it turns out to be is was you, even if he was under the influence of a Lamia, and wakes up the next day and remembers everything.)

6. Try to swipe his necklace, (which has generated lots of speculation by certain nosey knights and fan fiction writers).

7. Pick on Merlin (especially if you are a creature who thinks Merlin might make a good snack, even if he's just skin and bones, big ears and clumsy feet.)

8. Being told what to do by pompous, stupid Nobles who have their heads up their...well you know where.

9. Pick on Merlin (especially if you are Agravaine after S-04 revelations.)

10. Having other people find out he really _is _a Noble by birthright just so he get "off the hook" and earn brownie points with the King.

11. Pick on Merlin (especially if they accuse his first and best friend of sorcery and then threaten to execute him-...even though he's known the truth for a long because he's really NOT that obtuse, but will play dumb anyway for Merlin's sake.)

12. Say something bad about his father (that he never really knew, but it makes no difference, because Merlin understands anyway.)

13. Pick on Merlin (especially if you are evil female sorcerrers whose first two letters of your name start with "M-O.")

14. Someone else drinks the last tankard of mead, in the ONLY tavern in this stupid little godforsaken town the Royal Prat has dragged all of them out to on some ill fated quest they are going probably to die from anyway.

15. Pick on Merlin (especially if you are a ugly old hag wanting a human sacrafice and he knows his first and best friend is going be the one to step forward. Okay, well technically Lancelot figured that one out and made the ultimate sacrafice, while he and the "princess" were knock out unconscious, but you know what he means-NEXT time!)

16. Forced to be the Arthur's "manservant" for a day.

17. Pick on Merlin (especially if you are a Durocha, the living dead or some other creepy already dead thing he doesn't know how to get rid of, but will worry about that later.)

18. Forced to get up for an "early morning training" session by a certain arrogant prat who knew he went to the taverns the night before.

19. Pick on Merlin, (by anyone, especially when suffering a hangover from said visit to local tavern the night before.)

20. Being forced to fight seven mercenaries for the amusement of an certain betraying evil, bitter sorceress who took over Camelot.

21. Pick on Merlin (especially after he already feels kinda bad for dragging Merlin off to the tavern and getting him really drunk and the next day Merlin forgets to tell the king something really important and ends up in the stocks again.)

22. Having your sword turned into a flower by a short, weird little man on a bridge who promised he would turn it back, then smiles suspiciously.

23. Pick on Merlin (especially if you are a really BIG pheasant, aka wverin, in the Perilous Land, interrupting your first really good "bro" chat with your first and best friend.)

24. Finding out the "Perilous Lands" are really the "Kingdom of Slash Fiction Writers" and that's _really_ why the strange, weird little man on the bridge was smiling at him and turning his sword into a flower.

25. Pick on Merlin (even if you are now the King and you EVER dare turn your back on him when Merlin finally decides to tell you his deepest secret, because he knows, even though Merlin is _his_ best friend, that Arthur is _everything_ to Merlin and all he ever wants to be is accepted.)


End file.
